Guest Post!

Check out my guest post at Mel's blog today.

It's part one of the Jane Eyre Partyparty last Saturday!

Serving Up Discounts

Man comes in dressed in his air-force camos and orders his meal.

Me: And I'll throw on that military discount for you...

Him: How could you tell?

Me: Well...

Him: It must have been the hair cut that tipped you off.

(oh yeah: he was pretty much bald)

Me: Ahahaha...actually it was the Jagermeister pen.

Really, the guy took me by surprise. I like to joke around with my taco consumers, but they usually make me have to work at it. Thank you, military man, for catching me off guard!

Hide Your Car Keys

I'm on a Saturday midday shift this time, and a man comes up. I recognize him as a regular in the evening when I'm at the drive-thru.

Me: I recognize you! Decided to come in the store this time?

Him: Well, I've been drinking all weekend, so I thought I'd walk.

Me: Aaahh...

Him: 12 crunchy tacos to go?

What Effect Does MexiGong Have on the General Populace?

I'm having some interesting questions come to mind.

Such as:

What is it about MexiGong that drives people to drink?

Is there something about cheap liquor that causes munchies that only MexiGong can satisfy?

I need help to understand this....

If no one responds with a plausible thought, I might have to make something up, and NO one wants that.

The item below was found in the women's restroom and brought to me by a co-worker who knows how I roll.

Scavenger Hunt!

I got to thinking about those games and retreats that highly paid execs go to where they learn to trust each other, fall, and receive multiple awkward backrubs. Even though we’re not very highly paid, MexiGong employees deserve to experience this magic.

And I’ve thought of the perfect way.

If you read the title of this post (I know not all of you do), you probably know what I mean.

There are plenty of interesting places to hide “treasures” around then place here. I’ll let you guess which ones I have actually found items in thus far:

1. Inside the trash doors, but not inside the trash CAN
2. Inside the cubby under the soft drink area, but to the side
3. Behind the seat cushions on a funky black ledge
4. Inside the water reservoirs of the toilets
5. Jammed up inside the seat cover dispenser in the men’s bathroom
6. Taped under a table or chair
7. Hidden inside a soap dispenser next to the bag of soap
8. Tucked up under the men’s sink in the insulation

Although all of these are good ideas, (and I’m sure I’ll see them in use eventually), the answers for now are E and H.

I think the issue of the men’s bathroom is that it doesn’t have a trashcan. I mean, when it comes down to it, what normal thing needs to be done routinely in a man’s life in a public bathroom that can’t wait an hour? (Hrmmm…don’t answer that) So, when a man needs to take care of a little extra baggage, he’s going to try to find a way to stash it so that the next man (or MexiGong employee going in to clean the bathroom) won’t see, remember who came out last, and JUDGE.

The first set I found was E: Seat cover dispenser. “What?” you ask. And I would say, “An empty 4-pack of AA batteries and the packaging for KY Massage Oil For Him And Her.”

Then we would both collectively say “Eeeeeww….”

I ask you…really? I mean, I’ve got ideas for that batteries, but the other is confusing. In a MexiGong bathroom? REALLY?

As for the other item, this one I really like. I had leaned over to pick something off the floor (with gloved hands of course) and noticed an object in the H hiding place. What could it be?

It was a mostly empty bottle of Southern Comfort, I tell you! It had about a fifth left in it. I proudly bore it to the back, dodged into the break room and took a pic for you all (with my camera phone!) and tossed it in the trash. Then I invited the rest of the workers and my manager to see my prize.

Again I ask. Really? I may be heading into conjecture here, but I’m really trying to figure out the circumstances of this one.

There you are on a Monday, and by golly you need a drink! You go to the liquor store and plunk down $8.99 plus tax for a plastic bottle of Southern Comfort.

Now, you don’t want to go dumping something that’s 100 proof on an empty stomach, so you feel like a little MexiGong to take the edge off of that initial rubbing alcohol buzz.

“2 crunchy tacos to go” you say, and then “a water cup,” because of course, just because that’s what it’s called doesn’t mean that’s what you’re planning on putting in it, right? ‘Cause that would just be dumb.

Plus, you’ve already got a beverage.

You down those crunchy tacos like a crocodile yanking a struggling zebra down to the bottom of the river. Now you REALLY need a drink to dull the crunchy edges of those tacos hitting your stomach lining.

You head into the bathroom—some place private.

Before you realize it, 4/5s of the bottle is gone!

That’s all right. It wasn’t like you were planning on sharing it anyway.

Now’s where we start diverging:

A)

But then people start knocking on the door. After all, it has been an hour. In a drunken stupor, you accidentally ate the paper bag it came in, thinking it was a steak quesadilla with extra jalapeño sauce, and you can’t just carry the bottle out OPENly..sooo…you stuff it up under the sink; lodging it in the pipes and insulation.

Then, because you’re drunk, you forget it was there to retrieve.

B)

You hear cop sirens screech to a halt outside the door. Crap! They know what you did last summer! (finally…) It will be even worse if they catch you will alcohol on your person (never mind the fact that you’re reeking of 100 proof), so you stash it and hightail it out the other door.

C)

You realize that you are hungry again, so you stash the bottle and run out and get 2 more tacos. By the time you go back in, an intrepid MexiGong employee has removed it.

‘Kay, so in the comments, I would love to hear what explanations y’all can come up with for why I found this!

Good Luck on That....

Here's a tip for all you employmentally challenged out there.

If you are a creeper, or have creepy characteristics, it's usually better to be hired first before showing them off to the (prospective) employer.

"What?" you say while tucking sauce packets for later down the back of your trousers while telling the lobby cashier that if she really wants a good time when she gets off (when is that again?), she should come to your place and you guys can -----

But I'm getting ahead of myself. And possibly skating a little too close to dangerous waters should I finish my sentence.

A man came in the other day: tall, black hair/beard (would have to go--frown-y face!) and wide, frantic eyes, a large plastic WalMart bag clutched in hand.

Man: Are you hiring?

Me: We're usually accepting applications, we might be due for another rotation of hiring...

Man: I already TURNED in an application! They never called me back!!!!! (grr)

Me: How long ago was that?

Man: A YEAR!

Me: Ummm (you dingbat, for any place I know, they don't keep those things for more than a year...and if they got your application and didn't bother calling you when an interview day came around, there must have been something wrong with it) Try submitting one again.

Man: (takes app) They'd better call THIS time....

Me: Good luck (on that...NOT. *pout* Doesn't want to work with crazy, twitchy man precious)

It Must Have Been Important

Woman, after buying a couple of items: Do you have a cell phone?

Me: A cell phone? (I must have misheard this...)

Woman: Yeah, a cell phone. I need to call my sister.

Me: No, (not for you to use) I'm (not) sorry.

There are at least 4 things wrong with this. Can you find them all? Bonus points are available...

Work Snippits

Woman: I'd like a bean burrito with no onions, no red sauce, and no mustard.

Us: Okay...

Me to coworker: make sure you note that part about the mustard down on the wrapper so she knows for sure.

3 variations of the comment:

Them: "You have such a nice manner! You're far to nice to be working at MexiGong!"

Me: I'm glad you think so! Could you call the number on the back of the receipt and let my bosses know? You might win a $1,000! (Ha, as if)

What I'm thinking: raaaiiiissse....

Her: Three kid's meals with Sprite

Us: Nachos or (desert item that would totally give away where I worked, because it's a secret and all) on those meals?

Her: That's fine

Us: Pardon me, but WTF?

Redgirl's dulcet voice strikes again: On one day, got three comments.

Woman: You have such a nice drive-thru voice!

Me: Teehee, thanks. I used to work at a hotel. Some dude even wanted to let me know it was sexy.

Woman: (eyes light up) Oh! Yeah! I wanted to tell you that your voice would be perfect for phone sex!

Me: (smiles, thinking: Oh? And how's the money in that? Do you know anyone who's accepting applications? 'Cause, you know the money AND the hours have got to better than here...)

Co-worker food preparer on one side of the food line (A): Ok, got the 12 crunchy taco pack here

Co-worker food preparer on the OTHER side of the line (B): Um...YOU made the crunchy tacos?

A: Yeah...you asked me to.

B: I thought I asked you to make the soft tacos and burritos...

A: No...

(cue frantic looks. side one gets started on other items, and there appears a bag of available crunchy tacos in the break room. redgirl avoids buying dinner that night and has tacos instead)

Weeewaaa...(kind of) looking forward to work tonight. I prepared by drinking several shots of espresso and practicing my "earnest" flavored smile in the mirror.

Packaging for Complete Idiots

Good morning class! How are you all today? Don't answer that...we both know I don't care as long as you pay me my hourly teaching fee.

We'll take a break from learning to cook microwave pasta and rose flavored frog legs to discuss how you'll package your miracle meal when you finally make it into the big time: Frozen Dinners.

There are two ways to do packaging for weight loss meals. One way is to tell people that it's "light" or "lean." If you're going with this option, you're a sissy. All you do is slap a light blue or green back ground on it which implies that it's not only light and lean, it's green. And you make the food look attractive. Any photographer with a Polaroid camera can make your grandma's fish patties look tasty--with the right garnish.

I'm here to teach you the insidious, sneaky option.

You want them to take one look at that box and decide not to finish their plate. The challenge is to get them to buy it in the first place. Get out your pens and pencils; it's time to take notes. I direct your attention to the overhead:

Notice the dark red of the packaging, eliciting the association of blood. You want this, especially with chicken, which is not a red meat. And by all means, use parts of the human body in food descriptors! The marketer in this case has gone with the conventional "fingers," but you can probably do better than that. Homework part A is 3 food/body part submissions. That means you, Jack, so stop looking sullen.

The second food should always have a goopy look. The designer has been bold with this element; he threw in some indistinguishable noodle type substances that end up looking like a pig's small intestines smothered in melted margarine. That's a good tip, class! If you're calling it mac 'n cheese (or whatever the heck they called it), make sure you don't add any cheese. It's made out of COW FAT.

And finally, you must include a dessert. This is a requirement. If it's in the brownie family, the best way to make it look inedible (unless you're going with the "cracked, dry" approach, which is another lesson), add a shine to it. This just makes it look heavy and icky. Throw that pic on there like the black hole of the dish it actually is, and trademark that baby!

Next week, we learn the 10 important reasons to use alcohol in cooking.

**This box was sitting unattended on the table at school. Wildebeast and I discussed it thoroughly, especially the apparent in-edibility of the brownie. When I picked it up, sure enough! The brownie had one bit gone, but that was it lol

Dear Sir

Dear Mr. Bus Driver,

To start off, I'd like to say I understand that you're only human, and therefore you make mistakes. So do I! It is with this understanding that I wish to address a couple things with you. The sorts of things I would say on an evaluation form if I were ever asked to do one for you.

Remember yesterday? I sure do! I boarded the bus to find you in a private moment: picking your nose. It was with this knowledge that I (understandably, I think) wanted to avoid touching your fingers when I showed you my bus pass. Yes, the new ones are very shiny. I *am* kind of perplexed that you, being a bus driver would fail to recognize the years's newest bus pass design. Not recognizing it, in fact so much so that you needed to hold it. I was willing to let you, (as long as you didn't touch my fingers) and let go of it, just in time for you to fumble and drop it. I'm still not sure that touching the floor was a worse alternative to booger fingers.

But hey, I understand. Like I said, it was shiny.

The problem I'm finding harder to explain away happened next. You pulled the bus out of the stop, made the two lefts to get on the highway--but due to a lack of attention (?)on your part, you made another left before reaching the proper intersection, and we were treated to another round of "circle the block," thereby wasting precious minutes that could mean making or missing my bus connection in Sac.

The woman in front of me asked me if you were new--no doubt to enable herself to find some modicum of forgiveness in her heart.

Don't worry, I assured her that you were a veteran. I don't mind telling you that I kinda wanted to get off right then and there. After all, if I can't trust you to pay attention on a dark, quiet, residential road, how can I trust you at speeds exceeding 50mph on the highway of death?

That's right, I didn't think so.

'Til next Friday then!

Not-so-affectionately,

Redgirl