Monday, October 31, 2011

Helen's Cousin From San Jose

So. Found this gem on the pavement of my bus stop at 7th and J Street...mentioned it in 120s for you who were there.

As near as I can figure, the author is either a man or a woman (lol), so scenario one is:

Male. Let's call him Bob. Bob knew Helen for some reason. Maybe they were friends or maybe they were lovers, but things didn't stay tight like that. Helen's cousin (from San Jose) comes out for a visit. Maybe she's heard great things about Bob and wants to stake her claim. Bob isn't having any. So....Helen's cousin (from San Jose) goes around the town trash talking him. Bob isn't down with this, so stages a passive-aggressive note on a random sidewalk two blocks from the jailhouse.

Scenario two is more likely, as you've got decent penmenship and the unnecessary use of commas. (Come on...I'm right, aren't I?):

Female. We'll ignore the possibility that she's speaking of herself in the third person and assume this concerns three women. We'll call our main character Robin. Helen's cousin (from San Jose) heard about the rockin' times that Helen and Robin were having down in old Sactown and wanted a piece of that action. She trains on down, but Robin doesn't want anything to do with her. She's good with fast times with her bestie Helen. Helen's cousin (from San Jose) feels her offer of friendship spurned and begins to smear her already somewhat shady reputation around the streets. Robin goes passive-aggressive on her dirty blond head of lies and invective and posts a paragraph of doubtful prose.

In the comments, explain why her puncuation is incorrect lol