Wednesday, May 11, 2011


Don't ask me where this came from. I don't know. Or maybe has to do with the fact that if I have kids, I'm dressing them in only yellows and greens so as to have maximum fun with strangers. This is what I wish I could say.

Thursday, May 5, 2011

Make it Hot

Caution: Pick up line ahead!

So there I am in MexiGong drive-thru, doin' my SexyVoice when an SUV pulls up with two guys my age(ish) in it. I'm running both orders and cashier duties, so I get their credit card and make the payment. When guy 1 (G1) hands the receipt thingy back, G2 says:

"Does that receipt come with your phone number?" :D


Well, we're doing a program where we want people to call in and give good reviews. If they mention my name, even better. I figured, lets turn this into something good:

"It comes with a phone number that, if you call and leave a review of MexiGong, you have a chance to win a thousand dollars!" *ching!* tooth sparkle* "Would you like any sauce with your order?"

G1: I'd like some...HOT sauce (imagine twitching eyes accompanying this)

Me: Okay, some hot sauce. (I'm getting it set up)

G2: I'd like some fiiiiire sauce!

G1: Don't give him any; he can't have any.

G2: No! I want some fiiiire sauce!

G1: He can't have any. It's too hot and it makes him cry.

G2: But I want some!

Me: I'll give you a fire sauce. (I hold up one packet and place it on the small mountain of hot sauce.

G2: Only one?

Me: I don't want you to cry...

G1: Too bad you're married

Me: Indeed

G2: He's joking! I'm not married...

Me: (laughs, trying not to snort) Here's your food.

Next car pulls up:

Older Lady: They sounded like they were in a good mood...

Me: Hey, at least you're not flirting with me (she laughs)--not that you couldn't if you wanted to--I'm sure you'd be good at it...

People interest me.

Wednesday, May 4, 2011


Hey all!

One of my stories just posted over at

Check it out if you get a chance :)

Say Again?

Today's transcript treasures...

I mean really. I want to find these people and ask them more questions.

Att: And how did the accident damage your marriage?

Wns: It ruined our sex life.

Yay! Sex! Every transcript could use a little spicing up with some sex...

Att: I don't mean to get too personal or pry--

Get personal! Pry! Pleeeeeazzze!

Att: But how many times a week did you have sex before the accident?

Wns: Oh, every day. Then after the accident, I was in too much pain to want sex as much as he did. That's when he found that woman.

Att: Do you know where he met her?

Wns: No, and I don't care.

Classmate 1 (female) to Clssmt 2 (male): See? They're still out there, you just have to look.

And the joy of reading through a piece of the O.J. trial with my teacher deadpanning O.J. saying "I loved her. I loved her very much." with the obvious subtext is "...if I wasn't a lying sack of New York sewer waste."

That, along with a two-parter on a guy who got maced at two different bars "for no reason" made for a killer day.