Thursday, June 11, 2009

How Suite it IZ to be Loved by U!

Have you ever noticed how amusing people can be who are not in full control of their faculties? The girl at the nightclub who tries to hit on the manager (like that's never happened to him before) and then proceeds to give her (female) friend an extremely unenticing lap dance to, perhaps, show him what was on the market. Oh, and did I mention she was roughly 3.57 sizes to big for her dress? Hmm, I guess I just did.

Then there's the the tall 50-something construction worker who, after asking "where do the girls go?" and taking my hand say earnestly "If I don't remember this night.....thank you." He didn't.

We have "Spoon Man" who asked me in succession if:

A) I wanted to come up and hang out after my shift

B) We could sleep together

C) "Or we could spoon"

When he came back to apologize, I neglected to mention that the story had sustained the entire hotel management staff with laughter for over a week after refusing to have him banned because he was "too amusing". It was just the topping on the cake that when he came back to apologize I got this from my 63 year old swain:

"Alcohol was probably realized....but you're such an attractive person, I really couldn't help myself!" Um. Apology entirely negated now...

Now. On to current dude. Current dude is a gin-and-tonic kind of guy. How do I know? Well, he ordered no less than one every fifteen minutes for two hours in the bar. (for you non-math majors out there, that makes 8 gently mixed alcoholic beverages) G&T man and his friend came to the front desk to chat. The friend needed to check on something in a local business where he worked, but G&T man said he would follow him in a few. I was asked by friend if I didn't want him to take G&T man with him.

Me: Nah, you can leave him...he's amusing

G&T: She thinks I'm cute!

Me: *smiles shark grin and thinks "you poor drunk boy"*

So, after being asked if I would like to participate in a variety of activities that would no doubt get me fired, let alone excommunicated from my church, I tested my eel-like abilities to slither away from anything specific. In example:

G&T: We could ***********. I would love to take you and ************ and then we could **********.

Me: That's not possible. I'm not available for that.

G&T: But **********************!

Me: I'm sorry...that's not going to happen. (making conversation) Do you work?

G&T: Do you want me to work? 'cause I can work......

Me: INteresting.....

G&T: You should call me (gives me his number)

The friend eventually comes back and tows him away. As I'm checking a lady in, he plasters himself against the glass wall and shouts "I LOVE YOU!" in the drawl of the indisputably inebriated, the dreamily drunk.

As for points? Does it still count if the professor of love was tipsy? Who cares????




**helpless giggles on floor of back room**

Saturday, June 6, 2009

Those Demons, Those Pesky Demons

To start with, I'd like to direct your attention to the following link. Some guests stayed for a bit, we got talking, this was his response to the question "What other sorts of hotels have you stayed in?" He was quick to point out his trump card was not a hotel. It was, in fact, a MOtel; something that I was to find was different. Maybe it's an alphabetical thing...the Hotel is best, then an Inn, then a Lodge, and finally a Motel. But where does that leave the Suites and Resorts? I'd love to hear of any one's perspective on the proper line-up....

The demon of cleanliness got into my body somehow earlier this week. I originally decided that as my birthday present, I would "gift myself" with a clean room. Clothes had piled up...important papers had disappeared, my favorite ink cartridge drawing pen was missing and any desk activities had taken up a permanent residence on the dining room table.
Now. I'm not saying my room was MESSY, just that it needed tidying.
Problem is, once you start, it's hard to stop. The clean demon doesn't just help you toss clothes in the laundry basket and sweep the desktop clear. It declares that the papers you have now put into a nice, orderly pile must be FILED away neatly. "Oh?" says the demon, "You don't have a current filing system? Well halt it all! Let's make one NOW!"
Five hours later, you find your self cross-legged on the floor with piles of papers around you, a ring of clothes around the files with a plastic tub between your knees. You find yourself upset that you don't carry a good stock of hanging folders in various colors. Creativity now equals being able to come up with as many different categories for the various scraps as you can think of, because the more folders you have, the more organized you are.
I am now very organized.
When I finally looked up and realized that the sky was dark outside, I noticed that A) my room looked worse than it had to begin with, B) I wasn't sure I had storage space for all the new organization I had accomplished, and C) It looked like I was performing some Dresden-like ritual, where instead of circling myself with physical and spiritual circles, I was using clothing and paper circles. (To ward off what? I was already possessed by the clean demon. Maybe the clean demon was trying to protect itself from eviction by the demons of unfastidiousness)
ANYway, so as I was sitting there, I found myself falling into thought. People that are so clean in public ("I always arrange my desk just so!")....are they really slovenly at home? Is that a control issue?
Then there are the "Don't clean it! Right now I know where everything is!" people. What do their houses/rooms look like? And would I now (after deciding to turn over a "new leaf" as I have....ha. ha.) find it necessary to be more unkempt in my workspace after spending all my cleaning energies at home? Maybe in order to present the outward appearance of tidiness, I shall find it necessary to have a messy living area!!

Thursday, June 4, 2009

The Cursed Room

So, last time I shared about the occupant of Room "A", or as we now refer to it "The Cursed Room". I dearly wanted to break the curse. It is the goal of all front desk staff to do what we can in this endeavor. The other night, I gave it a shot.
And I failed. Miserably.
This blond lady checks in, and she looks reasonably with it, so I put her in the Cursed Room thinking I might get lucky. (me, lucky??? huh...) Later on, a man whom she identifies as her husband comes by to let me know "because he doesn't want to hide anything" that his puppy is in the car, and will be staying there, is that all right? snuck in the hotel through devious means to get your dog in, and NOW you want to know if it's all right? And oh, do we have pet rooms?
We don't have pet rooms, so I call my manager and he oks it. (NOT normal procedure...but he kind of snuck in...)
Fast forward to that evening.
I'm off, but chatting with the next guy, who gets a call from an outside line. "Her husband walked in on her and her lover, call 911! He's really pissed!!" *click*
We see husband come out, followed soon by blond lady and another man. they all go out the the car park and as I am leaving, I hear the husband say that he is so pissed he just wants to "stab you [illicit lover] with a knife".
What else is there??? A tire iron? those things don't slide in me on this....
So when I came back in, I urged Security to "keep an eye on things", ie, find a good spot to listen in. Was I concerned about the potential stabbing in our car park? Well, maybe a little. It wouldn't do a thing for our hotel to be a hot spot for emergency assistance vehicles....but any publicity is good publicity, right?? Right? RIGHT???
Yeah. That's what *I* thought.
Eventually they all left in the lover's car, the first caller having never been identified.
Fun. Really fun.