Tuesday, January 25, 2011


Ah, MexiGong! You never cease to delight me with not only your customers, but with the bonus events for your regulars!

First, you sent in Steve. Steve told me that he came in because our drive-thru was closed.

Steve: I thought it was strange, but I figured maybe you're just fixing it.
Me: Our drive-thru is open (I gesture). What would make you think so it was closed?
Steve: (Points in opposite direction) But it had signs on it saying it was closed!
Me: That's the drive-thru that belongs--er--belongED to the locally owned Mexican restaurant next door that shut down last year....

Steve was good...but you had a pleasant surprise for me. You weren't done for the night! You sent in Chad, the hopeful flashlight salesman to dart in and out of our drive-thru trying to sell a flashlight, but succeeding only in being creepy! Folk were kind of concerned; locked their car doors and such, but *I* enjoyed the fruits from your degenerative tree!

And then told a manager. I want to keep my job in your hallowed halls, after all...

When I was on my lunch, you invited the cops over for a spot of "bathroom commotion". Two of them. Must be close friends of yours, interrupting the dinner hour like this. I tried to conceal my curiosity, not wanting you to be ashamed of your employee. I knew I could get the facts from another such. In the mean time, you had another surprise! The women's bathroom looked like someone had taken 2 1/3 tacos, crushed them in a ceramic bowl and added liberal sauces of every hue, then allowed their 2 year old to paint the bathroom with the debris!

And someone gave that child a stool...as I reflect how high up some of those deposits are...

I noticed another thing, but I wanted to ask about it before I bothered you with it. After my inquiries, I have no choice.

Dearest MexiGong, Do you know where the women's restroom trash can is? It's a small little thing, lithe and black; sits between the wall and the commode? It was there when I came on shift, and there when I started my lunch. But now, you see, it's gone. No trace of it remains. Yes, I've looked everywhere--outside, in the restaurant, in the men's bathroom (oh the horror!). I just though you might like to know, knowing how women can be and all. 

But oh, MexiGong! You saved the best for last, you playful gong you! I mean, when I found out why the police were there! I have it from a number of witnesses that the aforementioned young man (Chad) attempting to sell his flashlight was found passed out in the men's bathroom with his trousers down. So the police came. And they found paraphernalia of a *particular kind* on his person. 

Which of course they did.

I would think passing out on the floor of an as yet un-mopped fast food restaurant bathroom floor pretty much requires you to be high.

So? Any ideas where the trash can has gone? Perhaps how much the druggie got for his flashlight in the drive-thru? (considering he bought something about 10 min before the "incident") Anyone passing out in y'all's various places of employment? Share the love!

Thursday, January 20, 2011

Would You Like Some....Sauce With That?

I really like to take orders at the *restaurant* where I work.

This is for a couple of reasons:

A) It means I'm not having to clean anything. Taking orders is actually the most fun part of work.

B) I can use accents if my boss isn't around.

C) I like hearing what idiots people can be and commenting on this stupidity with my coworkers.

D) Come on! I get to talk on a cool ear-radio-thingy!

The other day, I was working with the General Manager; I was taking orders, she was collecting money, and she said to me "You have a really nice voice over the radio."

It got me thinking of a story from back In the Inn.

I *do* like to pride myself on my speaking skills--heck, for almost three years, talking on the phone was my job. It's all in how you pitch it and modulate it.

So there I am at the desk with GreyGirl the morning after a big town party, and a call comes in from one of the rooms.

Me: Front Desk (in my sultry, seductive way that I have*)

Him: Can I get some Gatorade?

Me: We have some here at the front desk...

Him: Can't you bring it up to me?

Me: No.

Him: Oh. (silence) Okay, I'll come down. Hey, did anyone ever tell you? You have a sexy phone voice.

Me: Hahaha....thank you....

Him: Tell you what. When I come down to check out, I'll wink at you, and if you like what you see, you can wink back!

So, an hour or two later a group of guys came up. I was busy with someone else, so they went up to GreyGirl.

Him: Did I just talk to you on the phone?

Her: Probably.

Him: So...what do you think?

Her: About your bill?

Heheheh...you see, I hadn't told her of the little exchange, so she had no idea what was going on. She said later that it would have been nice if I had clued her in. Ah well...

The idea of the front desk clerk having relations with the guests is always an interesting subject for me. (Espesh since Spoon Man) After hearing that, I really REALLY wanted to, when I needed to call rooms up to do the husky thing.

"So you need some...fresh...towels?"
"I'll have that sheet sent up...sir..."

(OBVs I can't say it for you on this here blog, but just try to imagine it)

When guests came from other countries, we had to be careful because (I hear) in some places, the clerk comes with the room, ifyouknowwhatimean. So lifeshighway, the question is not "does the carpet match the drapes" but "Does the hair match the decor?" Luckily, we had no Red Rooms at our place.

What about you, Dear Readers? Ever showed signs of Cruise Ship Syndrome**? If so, by all means share! My ears are burning for a good story ;D

*Being another RedGirl secret, I am loathe to divulge the particulars of what makes my voice so attractive to the opposite sex. However, since it's really just between me and you 30 or so readers, what's the harm in spreading the *love*? Coming soon then, you TOO can pick up a date! Love is just a phone call away! (And it had better stay that way, 'cause once they see you, all bets are off. But not you, my readers! I know you're all an attractive bunch)

**Being a disease in which, finding one's self in a place far from home, an attraction is had for either staff or other travelers that both know will not last, but continue to adamantly refute this notion to each other. Hmmm, I should write about romance more often! I seem to have so much to say on the subject! Even better that I have no experience; it keeps my explanations from being cluttered by facts! Hateful things, facts...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Aahh, Be Still My Beating Heart!

For those of you who weren't aware, Court Reporting is a female dominated profession. (At least it is in the schooling side; not sure what the actual statistics are) What this means is that, out of our current class of roughly 80-90 students, there are exactly 7 males in attendance. The breakdown is as follows:

A) Hardly ever comes
B) Strange. I've never actually heard him speak, but the fact of the matter remains: he is an odd one
C) Married
D) Married
E) Genius; not to be trifled with
F) Friendly when not actually...studying...

So, when the program director walks in with the newest possible recruit, who turns out the be male and possibly above a 6 in the attractive quotient (stand still! I can't score you if you don't stand still!), the eyes of the room turn towards such an attraction.

It's really funny to watch the female population just "happen" to need things in the room where they're talking and the innocent "I need a piece of tape that can only be found in the theory room" justification. 

We shall see...

Friday, January 14, 2011

A Few Whacks on the the MexiGong

Considering that court observations are going to be rather prominent while in school and (hopefully) even more so when I get out, I now christen these new tales in the tasty rhyme-mation of Court Report.

I took copious notes, jotted down some real zingers uttered....in an actual courtroom setting. 

I know. 

Awesomely stupendous, oi?

So, tomorrow, we'll have a big helping of "So by saying suspended, you meant my license was, like, suspended?" followed by a tureen of phone threats and name calling. Entree is a pile of unopened Christmas presents, and for dessert, a dollop of brothers from different mothers spritzed with rhetorical questions from the Bench. 

But that's tomorrow's menu. 

Today, you get commentary on MexiGong. (I think of you, Funder, every time I use that, with a snicker)

At every one's nonspecific faux Mexican fast food restaurant, we have combos. Does this sound familiar? One of the most common things I hear:

Them: I want the number 4.
Me: With what to drink?
Them: I don't want nuthin' to drink
Me: Sooo...you just want to purchase 3 tacos?
Them: No (you idiot), I want the combo, just no drink!
Them: Uuhh...yeah, I guess so

My comment on this is that I think it's the pictures that draw people. Combos have pictures. The see and go "oooh! I wanty!"

Then we have Mrs. Layt. Mrs. Layte came in the Monday of Christmas week. She wanted to purchase some $5 gift cards.

Me: I'm sorry, we don't carry those. We normally carry the $10 and $20 ones, but we only have the $20 ones in stock right now.
Mrs. Layt: That's ridiculous! You had them last year!
Me: I'm not sure the company makes them anymore, because all the promotional posters only have the two I mentioned.
Mrs. Layt: You're wrong...I can't believe you people! I drove all the way down to get here--a half hour--and you're saying you don't have them?! I always get them for my family for Christmas. NOW what am I going to do???

I think it's interesting that we aren't allowed to run out of a product; that it was OUR fault that she couldn't do the easy-breezy Christmas shopping she wanted to do. She also tried to make me feel guilty for not having them when she had to drive all the way down here.  I don't know about you people, but I'll usually check on something like that if the drive is more than 15 minutes and it was all that I wanted to get. (Plus, I used patented RedGirl strategies on dealing with people trying to guilt-trip you! Works every time! As seen on the Internet! Which was invented by Al Gore! Which rhymes with smores! I like smores! They have chocolate in them....)

Then we had a woman come back after having gone through the drive-thru. She was standing to the side, waiting, while a manager was doing something on the line (food prep).

Me: What's the issue?
Coworker: She went through the drive-thru, and when she got her food home....half an hour later...it was cold.
Me: She came back for THAT?
Coworker: She's really very upset.

What really brightens my day though, is something that lifeshighway will give me black marks for, but something that, if you people know me at all should be obvious. 

I love it when people come in and order something that's not on the menu anymore.

For example:

Them: I'd like a chicken flatbread sandwich.
Me: I'm so sorry...(not) but we don't carry those anymore.
Them: (get really upset and lost looking) But I loved those!!! (proceeds to make it my personal fault we don't have them anymore. OBVs I knew he really liked them, and had a problem with him personally, so ripped down the signs when I saw him coming and bribed the rest of the staff to be in on it)

Repeat this with the enchilada burritos, the 12 taco pack, the giant, calorie laden chalupa, and several other burritos. I love the crestfallen looks on their faces, the betrayal in their eyes. "I loved you, how could you do this to me?"

It's really all I can do not to laugh.  Even my lips twitch a bit while I try to distract them with sad eyebrows. 

Any things y'all find funny in a similar vein? Don't be shy! No one's judging you! (except me. I'm always judging)

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Held Hostage

I've been trying to save this character up until I had enough fodder for a full post, but i don't want to forget about her. 

There's an elderly Asian lady that rides the bus around 3 o'clock every day. (I think she was the one who sat by me in the "Bus Tour to the Ghetto") She makes conversation with anyone who will look in her general vicinity, and for the best part, when it is time to get off the bus, the following happens:

The way the back doors work, you press on the center when the light overhead is green. This signals to the driver to open them. She waits at the door, and as soon as the bus barely rolls into a stop, she starts pushing on the door screaming "Let me out Let me out! I want to get off the bus! Let me out!  A few seconds later, the doors will open and she hops out, starts making tracks. She calls out as she's fleeing "Thankyouhaveaniceday!"

I have to try very hard not to laugh when she is doing her hostage to the bus act  :)

Tuesday, January 4, 2011

New Year's Resolutions

Certain people (you know who you are) have been cheerfully suggesting that we all share New Year's Resolutions. While this idea is charming in it's naivete, there remains a problem.
I'm not writing anything down that people can then refer to:
Them: Hey! Your resolution list says that you were going exercise EVERY day!
You: I broke my flippin' ankle!
Them: But you saaaiiiid....
See? Not good.
In that spirit, I present to you some of MY resolutions*:
1) At least once a week, smile at a small child and think affectionate thoughts

2) Not to lose half finished letters to my little sister that I find 3 months later and have to decide then whether there is still enough interesting content and/or humor to still mail it to her.

3) Actually start practicing at home on my steno writer...let's start with once a week and see what happens.

4) Take the amount of times that I say I will write a blog post, divide it by a yet undetermined number, and have that actually be the number of times that I post.

5) Ditto for writing fiction.

6) No more than 2 pots of coffee a day (I'll drink tea instead)

7) At least once a day, decide NOT to say something rather than saying it. This will help me appear more mysterious and wise. It doesn't count if what I would have said was "Watch out for that car, you're gonna get hiiii.....ahh...too late"
*May or may not be factual or intended. Some humor may be implied. Do your bad things now; Santa's still sleeping off the eggnog. Batteries included if retail price is greater than $25.79. Instructions sold separately.