Friday, January 14, 2011

A Few Whacks on the the MexiGong

Considering that court observations are going to be rather prominent while in school and (hopefully) even more so when I get out, I now christen these new tales in the tasty rhyme-mation of Court Report.

I took copious notes, jotted down some real zingers an actual courtroom setting. 

I know. 

Awesomely stupendous, oi?

So, tomorrow, we'll have a big helping of "So by saying suspended, you meant my license was, like, suspended?" followed by a tureen of phone threats and name calling. Entree is a pile of unopened Christmas presents, and for dessert, a dollop of brothers from different mothers spritzed with rhetorical questions from the Bench. 

But that's tomorrow's menu. 

Today, you get commentary on MexiGong. (I think of you, Funder, every time I use that, with a snicker)

At every one's nonspecific faux Mexican fast food restaurant, we have combos. Does this sound familiar? One of the most common things I hear:

Them: I want the number 4.
Me: With what to drink?
Them: I don't want nuthin' to drink
Me: just want to purchase 3 tacos?
Them: No (you idiot), I want the combo, just no drink!
Them: Uuhh...yeah, I guess so

My comment on this is that I think it's the pictures that draw people. Combos have pictures. The see and go "oooh! I wanty!"

Then we have Mrs. Layt. Mrs. Layte came in the Monday of Christmas week. She wanted to purchase some $5 gift cards.

Me: I'm sorry, we don't carry those. We normally carry the $10 and $20 ones, but we only have the $20 ones in stock right now.
Mrs. Layt: That's ridiculous! You had them last year!
Me: I'm not sure the company makes them anymore, because all the promotional posters only have the two I mentioned.
Mrs. Layt: You're wrong...I can't believe you people! I drove all the way down to get here--a half hour--and you're saying you don't have them?! I always get them for my family for Christmas. NOW what am I going to do???

I think it's interesting that we aren't allowed to run out of a product; that it was OUR fault that she couldn't do the easy-breezy Christmas shopping she wanted to do. She also tried to make me feel guilty for not having them when she had to drive all the way down here.  I don't know about you people, but I'll usually check on something like that if the drive is more than 15 minutes and it was all that I wanted to get. (Plus, I used patented RedGirl strategies on dealing with people trying to guilt-trip you! Works every time! As seen on the Internet! Which was invented by Al Gore! Which rhymes with smores! I like smores! They have chocolate in them....)

Then we had a woman come back after having gone through the drive-thru. She was standing to the side, waiting, while a manager was doing something on the line (food prep).

Me: What's the issue?
Coworker: She went through the drive-thru, and when she got her food home....half an hour was cold.
Me: She came back for THAT?
Coworker: She's really very upset.

What really brightens my day though, is something that lifeshighway will give me black marks for, but something that, if you people know me at all should be obvious. 

I love it when people come in and order something that's not on the menu anymore.

For example:

Them: I'd like a chicken flatbread sandwich.
Me: I'm so sorry...(not) but we don't carry those anymore.
Them: (get really upset and lost looking) But I loved those!!! (proceeds to make it my personal fault we don't have them anymore. OBVs I knew he really liked them, and had a problem with him personally, so ripped down the signs when I saw him coming and bribed the rest of the staff to be in on it)

Repeat this with the enchilada burritos, the 12 taco pack, the giant, calorie laden chalupa, and several other burritos. I love the crestfallen looks on their faces, the betrayal in their eyes. "I loved you, how could you do this to me?"

It's really all I can do not to laugh.  Even my lips twitch a bit while I try to distract them with sad eyebrows. 

Any things y'all find funny in a similar vein? Don't be shy! No one's judging you! (except me. I'm always judging)


Dave said...

When I worked at a bookstore, I got lots of dumb questions. People expecting us to know what book they were thinking about from some vague description (yeah, like we know intimately *every* book in the store...and it might not even be in the store anymore!).

They got upset sometimes when we couldn't read their minds.

Ah, retail stories. I actually reviewed a book on the subject that was a hilarious (if rather sad, having experienced it) read.

lifeshighway said...

No black marks from me. People, stop falling in love with fast food, it changes all the time unless you are talking about what made them famous like Big Macs or Chickfilets.

What if I went to a Chickfilet and ordered a chickfilet and they said, sorry we don't carry them anymore. I think I would lose my mind. Especially if the person taking my order was a sassy redhead giving me fake sad eyebrows.

And lady with the $5 gift certificates please, that is a Christmas tradition? Really? You spent more on gas to get them. Go make some fudge.

Geez, people.

Keep 'em coming redgirl.

redgirl said...

Ahh...if only I could see her face were I to say "Geeze lady, don't get your panties in a bunch. Just go make some fudge already..." That would be priceless. And probably a firing offence.

New Idea for Fun Times:

When doing the drive-thru, keep a couple handfulls of various sauce packets in the freezer. Then, when someone's obnoxious, they get to have their requested sauce packets...but frozen solid. By the time they thaw, their food will be cold. Yum...

lifeshighway said...

oooh, evil...