Monday, December 27, 2010

Taco Tales: Interactions

I was chatting with a friend about work:

Him: I never go there

Me: Why? Don't like the food?

Him: Oh, the food's fine. It's the, you know, PUBLIC.

Me: True, that is the downside.

So, I'll share a few treasures just in case you can't imagine the entertainment yourself.


Even though my workplace is a completely generic, non specific Mexican-style fast food eatery, I think the general public knows the nature of combo meals in that they come with a drink...that's the point.

So when Ms. Starving pulls into the drive-thru and says she wants combo number 5...

Me: And what did you want to drink with that?

Her: I don't want nothin' to drink!

Me: So you don't want the combo?

Her: I want the combo, just don't be chargin' me fo' that drink!

Me: Ok (removes combo and just punches in the three tacos)


I've just clocked in and am waiting to get my drawer. At the beginning of a shift, we count our drawer to make sure it's at the right amount, then we are assigned to a register. I don't have my drawer yet.

A man is lurking around the counter, looking at the menu:

Me: Sir? Were you wanting to order?

Him: (nothing)

Me: (waits for a minute, he's still perusing) Were you needing to order today sir?

Him: (nothing, so I can only assume he plans on taking a while)

Him: (after a minute or two of me standing there) I want a medium soda and a --

Me: I'm so sorry, I don't have my drawer yet; let me find someone to take your order.

I go to get someone, but when I turn around, he's gone. Huh? I get my drawer and go to open the register. He pops out from somewhere and comes up to me again.

Him: (mumbles something or other; I can't make it out)

Me: I'm sorry, what was that?

Him: (mumbly mumbly, then something that sounds like:) How long have you worked here?

Me: I'm sorry, I can't understand you....

See? You should be proud of me! I'm starting to remember not to answer just any question!

Him: (gives me a really dirty look and says:) You understood me (and then walks away)

What was strange was that I was getting the *trying to pick you up* sort of vibe which is really strange because I never get that, even when it's happening. Things have to be pretty straight forward for me.

However, that does NOT mean approaching it like the following man:

I'm at a bus stop in a shady part of Sac and a man of questionable demeanor (and dress. and smell. and age. and, well, everything) approaches me.

Bum: You got any change?

Me: I don't carry cash, sorry (truth)

Bum: (sidles a little closer) got a boyfriend?

Me: No (truth, should have lied)

Bum: You want one? (leers)

Me: No (broad lie, specific truth. Don't want YOU)

Bum: How 'bout a husband? You want a husband? (smiles)

Me: No (broad lie, specific truth. want one...with TEETH!)

Bum: (disappointed)

Me: (mildly creeped out, excited for future blog post on the subject)

Thursday, December 16, 2010

Cough Drops

It's a sad, sad thing when you get the the point that you start including cough drops in your daily caloric intake. Hall's Lemon and Honey have 15 calories per drop. Now, if I go with sugar free, I can knock it down to 5 calories. Those taste funny though. And while the sugar would account for the 15 calories in the regular, what makes up the calories in the sugar free ones? according the the nutritional information, there's NOTHING in them. What are you sucking on then?
This brings me to sodas like Coke Zero. If there aren't any fats or carbs or anything else (to speak of) on the label, what are you drinking? Food coloring and sucralose? Slightly disturbing....

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Taco Tales: Learning Curve

When you start a new job, there's an inevitable learning curve:

You start, screw up a lot
Hmm...I kinda know my way around now...
Yay-ya! I'm not half bad!
I thinks I gots this!
Oh (expletive deleted) I guess not...
Yup. That last stage happened last night. Maybe aided by the fact that I forgot my hat on the bus from Sac (hopefully I can get it back today). Walked in early to finish changing, realized I'm missing my hat (I'm still more than 5 minutes early at this point) and I'm about to call the bus company. The girl on the register calls over that they need me to clock in NOW!
Me: "I'm trying to locate my hat. Do we have a spare?"
Her: (to shift leader) Do we have a hat?
Him: (yells over) No! We don't have any extra HATS!
'kay. I could tell he was busy. And, to give him the benefit of the doubt, maybe the last 3 people came on by asking that same question.
But seriously? Not only are you going to ask me to clock in early, but you're going to get your knickers in a bunch because I was going to use that extra 5 minutes to locate said hat?!
Fortunately, they found one...eventually. When I was done with my shift, I stashed (ie HID) it in case I can't have someone get it from the bus depot by later today.
So, today's count:
Hopeful leers of teenage boys: 1
Kids I was consciously nice to keep my job: 5
Kids I probably slighted because I didn't remember to be nice to them: um...a lot?
Vans with a vase of flowers attached above the passenger's door to stick straight up out of the roof along with a Breyer-type horse super glued to the top-middle-front of the roof with a sting tied to a hoof with the other side tied somewhere inside the car in case the glue failed: 1
Women who rode in said van than wanted to tell me (and did) about morbidly obese friend who is in the hospital with kidney problems who is on dialysis who "is probably gonna die real soon" : 1
Husband of said woman of said man that was in the bathroom for around 1/2 hour and the reason I waited another half hour to check it: 1
**so...what do you think? "Taco Tales"? Slap the icon on whenever? "Bell Blogging"? Other ideas?

Wednesday, December 1, 2010


I used to be a bit indifferent about lawn ornaments even though I recognized that the pink plastic flamingo was the height of tackiness. (And glowing ones? Don't get me started...)
After discovering the Yard Art Game, these views changed. Now, I am a somewhat rueful champion of the lawn gnome...and of golden manatees. Which I hear are selling rather well on cafe press these days.
Which was why, when working the drive-through window at Taco Bell last night and  young man in a dented green truck pulled up for his Fat Fiesta (*ahem* His XL Chalupa) I was a bit taken aback by the contents of his truck bed.
Three lawn gnomes along with a few cuttings and a shovel.
If you know me at all, are a regular reader, you know the kinds of things I started thinking. Is it not a heinous crime to steal a gnome? Were they kidnapped? Used as payment for "lawn service"? (hey, you know what they say about gardeners and pool boys) Possible Mafia hit with shovel to bury the evidence?
Of course, much in the spirit of learning as a Walmart clerk not to comment on items bought, I wasn't going to bring the subject up. "So, uh, nice gnomes you got there...." See? Awkward....