Thursday, June 11, 2009

How Suite it IZ to be Loved by U!

Have you ever noticed how amusing people can be who are not in full control of their faculties? The girl at the nightclub who tries to hit on the manager (like that's never happened to him before) and then proceeds to give her (female) friend an extremely unenticing lap dance to, perhaps, show him what was on the market. Oh, and did I mention she was roughly 3.57 sizes to big for her dress? Hmm, I guess I just did.

Then there's the the tall 50-something construction worker who, after asking "where do the girls go?" and taking my hand say earnestly "If I don't remember this night.....thank you." He didn't.

We have "Spoon Man" who asked me in succession if:

A) I wanted to come up and hang out after my shift

B) We could sleep together

C) "Or we could spoon"

When he came back to apologize, I neglected to mention that the story had sustained the entire hotel management staff with laughter for over a week after refusing to have him banned because he was "too amusing". It was just the topping on the cake that when he came back to apologize I got this from my 63 year old swain:

"Alcohol was probably realized....but you're such an attractive person, I really couldn't help myself!" Um. Apology entirely negated now...

Now. On to current dude. Current dude is a gin-and-tonic kind of guy. How do I know? Well, he ordered no less than one every fifteen minutes for two hours in the bar. (for you non-math majors out there, that makes 8 gently mixed alcoholic beverages) G&T man and his friend came to the front desk to chat. The friend needed to check on something in a local business where he worked, but G&T man said he would follow him in a few. I was asked by friend if I didn't want him to take G&T man with him.

Me: Nah, you can leave him...he's amusing

G&T: She thinks I'm cute!

Me: *smiles shark grin and thinks "you poor drunk boy"*

So, after being asked if I would like to participate in a variety of activities that would no doubt get me fired, let alone excommunicated from my church, I tested my eel-like abilities to slither away from anything specific. In example:

G&T: We could ***********. I would love to take you and ************ and then we could **********.

Me: That's not possible. I'm not available for that.

G&T: But **********************!

Me: I'm sorry...that's not going to happen. (making conversation) Do you work?

G&T: Do you want me to work? 'cause I can work......

Me: INteresting.....

G&T: You should call me (gives me his number)

The friend eventually comes back and tows him away. As I'm checking a lady in, he plasters himself against the glass wall and shouts "I LOVE YOU!" in the drawl of the indisputably inebriated, the dreamily drunk.

As for points? Does it still count if the professor of love was tipsy? Who cares????




**helpless giggles on floor of back room**


lifeshighway said...

You get points if he licked the glass.

redgirl said...

does there have to be tongue connection? or can lips smushed against it do?

Boots and Saddles 4 Mel said...

Why does nothing this entertaining happen when I visit you at work?

*e said...

Again, there is always the store just next door has everything you need long as they don't pass out on the train tracks, you should be free from drunken scariness for at least 30 mintutes ;)