Thursday, November 29, 2012


I am a fool.

Here I am, bemoaning my lack of creative outlet when I have all the necessary ingredients for success! What ingredients, you say? No, not hours of boredom with access to a computer (Though that would be nice). Not handfuls of cash to pay a better, more prolific writer than I to lure more readers and actually post once in a blue moon.

Instead, I will utilize the brief period of time between six hours of failing at school and eight hours of charging seemingly exorbitant amounts of money for procedures at the vet hospital only to have owners discover they have to put the family dog down. I will use this time to record work exploits mixed with school exploits, and a pinch of woes I now own having newly joined the commuter wagon train.

Let’s start this new age with a little quiz:
1: My ________ (dog breed) ate _________ (insert something strange).

2: My poor little _________ (dog breed) is TREMBLing! Not like normal. I think something’s WRONG.

3: My __________ (dog breed) has back problems and can hardly walk. I think he needs and MRI.

4: My dog was attacked by a ________(dog breed) at a _______(location).

5: My __________(dog breed) is vomiting and has diarrhea. I have no money; what can I do?

6: My dog is so lethargic, I can’t wake him up! He just lays there, trembles, and pees himself. What could possibly be wrong?

Got those answers all written down?


1: Lab. Labs eat anything. Observe the following:

Caller: I think my lab ate a rock!

Me: Why do you think that?

Caller: She brought me a rock about the size of a silver dollar, and I threw the rock away. She went and got it and brought it back (Labrador….retriever anyone?). She had it in her mouth, and then, all of the sudden, she didn't, and it wasn't anywhere on the ground.

Me: (calling back to ER, gives story in dry voice) Would a rock that size be a concern for a 70lb dog?

ER Doc: She probably has no money. Anyone who would play fetch with a rock is an idiot.

2: Chihuahua. I have actually had this happen, people bringing their small dog, especially Chihuahuas in for “trembling.” Maybe the reason I’m so O_o over it is that, to me, that’s a necessary evil with small dogs.

3: Dachshund. Hmm, I don’t know. How could a dog 3 times as long as it is tall *possibly* have back problems?

4: Pit bull, dog park. Caveat here: A lot of people love pits. I have met a number of wonderful, friendly pits. This doesn't change the fact that the physical nature of a pit (larger, muscled, strong) necessitate that people who want to turn those things in their favor and encourage aggressive behavior will exploit this. Police Departments import their German Shepherds from France and other countries because it’s next to impossible to find a suitable strain in the US anymore. Same thing is starting to happen with Malinois (pronounced mal-en-wahs), the dogs that were part of the Osama take-down. People decide they want in on that and start screwing with the breed.

Dog parks are horrible places. It’s like someone said, “Hmm….what would make the worst environment for dogs? How about if we fence a small area, bring dogs in from all over the city who have a range of diseases who don’t know each other, unleash them all and see what happens?” If you don’t live in the country, I guess you need an outlet, but this one kind of sucks.

5: Pit bull or Chihuahua. I realize it looks like I’m stereotyping here, but it’s not stereotyping if it’s true. Most, if not all, of the cases of parvo virus we see are people from the poorer classes of society who have gotten themselves a puppy from a “breeder” and didn't get it vaccinated. It’s ridiculous! At the most, you’re looking at 100 bucks to get the thing vaccinated, and parvo, which can’t be treated, can run you in the thousands. What do your thousands get you? It gets us monitoring your dog and keeping an IV of fluids running for a week or so in isolation. It does NOT get medicine to make the parvo go away. Why? Virus. They just run their course while you stand there hoping your dog will pull through…while we do the same thing.

6: I really wish I could post a video of a dog with this problem. They’re very calm, blink a lot and may be trembling. They also can’t control their bladder. A convo with the ER tech looks a little like this:

ER: Is there anything he could have gotten into?

Them: No! Nothing!

ER: I’m going to ask this question for medical purposes only. Is there a chance that he could have gotten access to any marijuana, medical or otherwise?

Them: I’m going to kill my boyfriend!

Ah, people! I do want to say upfront with respect to future posts a word of caution. When I worked at the Hotel, it was easier to share stories of humorous people and their crazy antics with respect to requests etc. At a pet hospital, it’s a bit more complicated. The devil’s advocate personality I have forces me to see a hysterical person acting out and bad behavior as a person being concerned about their pet. At the heart of it, that really isn't funny, and to make snarky comments about it would be in poor taste. The same as if some poor pet has to be euthanized. I ask you, therefore, to look at things from a new prospective: the prospective of that, in life, things happen. Not all of them are sunshiny and happiness all the time.

For those who know me online or on the outside, you know that I sometimes have to get creative to find a way to keep my head out of these dark places. So, if I cavalierly speak of special parking spaces for people who are euthanizing for a different approach on breaking the bad news (“I’m sorry sir….I’m going to have to ask you to move your car….) and doing a special on cremations for the holiday season, that’s the nature of the business.

Carry on.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Ohhhhh, a special on cremations! I don't reeeeeally need it, but who ca resist a good bargin? Heeeeere Fluffy! Here boy! -lore