Saturday, March 9, 2013






*briii-- Hi!

Me: Hello! I --

Them: Hello? Hello?? Are you there?

Me: Yes, I'm--

Them: Hahaaha...but we're not!! Leave a message at the beep! BEEEEP

Me: Ggggrrrrrr....

Or how about:






Me: Hi! This is Red--

Them: Hahahahahahahahaha..hah...ahaha...hahaha....ha               ha

Me: O_o

Them: Looks like I found the speaker button! Now....if I can juuust find the message button.....

Me: O_O

Them: Oh well. In case I do, leave a message after the beep!

Attention people. I didn't think we needed to have this conversation, but after the other day doing callbacks, you leave me no choice. The following answering machine/voicemail message is acceptable:

Hi! You've reached Redgirl! Leave your name, number, and a brief message, and I'll return your call as soon as possible!
Notice I did not say, "I'm unable to come to the phone right now." You can include this, but it is redundant. If you aren't answering, then .... you're unable to come to the phone right now. Duh.

I also did not say:

Hi! You've reached Yvonne, Gary, Trevor, Michael, Trudy, Fido, Fluffy, Slithery, Ratty, Froggy, and Bubbles Radcliff! If you want to leave a message, we can't WAIT to hear from you!

Finally, I did not say:

Hewoah. Fank you for calling.....the Shmishs. Mommy and Daddy can't come to the phone ...right now. Pwease leave your name ...........and tewephone..............number. (insert indistinguishable words uttered by a child).

People. Please.

I'm going to clear the air by saying that, as a member of your family or friend circle, there are moments (moments are small, tiny, teensy amounts of time) that I can appreciate an amusing message on your machine.


I have never seen a positive of letting your toddler either answer the phone or leave the message. I can't understand their high-pitched voices, and unless it was necessary, a lack of respect when someone answers the phone that can't even pass on who was calling to the parent. I was never allowed to answer the phone until I could be polite and comprehensible. I don't find it cute; I find it annoying.

I also don't like being tricked. The "Hello! Hello??" game gets old fast. I'm talking the first time it happens. Many times, I'm calling as a favor to the person to let them know info that they want. When *that* happens, I'm not feeling very charitable.

As for naming every living thing in your house down to the fish in the algae-infused aquarium, it wastes my time. Trust me, I'm not leaving a message for Bubbles. Really.

Now take aaalll these annoying messages and the likelihood you'll get one in your regular day-to-day calling. Move yourself to a professional setting where you are making 30 calls in an hour or two.

Suddenly, simply "annoying" gets a lot worse. There you are, trying to get off the phone as quickly as possible, and some amateur novelist is reading their sample chapter on the voicemail to force at lease ONE person to be familiar with his book. When Susie gives the info and instructions, I don't even know if I've reached the right house because I can't understand a word she's saying.

It's like the baby turtle Squirt on Nemo giving instructions to Marlin.

I feel like I have to flag some of our clients' numbers for a do-not-call list.

So tell me.

How does your voicemail rate?



Carolyn said...

Ha ha ha! You are so true. I have had the little kid, but not the trick. How I would treat that is to stay on long enough to make it blink that they got a message, but not say anything. Or even better, leave an important sounding message, a long one, and then at the very end, rush through an unintelligible phone number, forcing them to play or skip through the whole message multiple times to try to figure out the number. When people do that, it's like they think, oh dear! I have used up a lot of time on the machine by talking. I'll make up for it by speed talking my call back number!

Mel said...

I made a real effort not to start my message with "hi". Instead I have (I think) "You have reached Melinda Faubel......". Saying hi to a person o a recorded message just seemed stupid.

redgirl said...

I like your thoughts Mom! I'll have to try that next time >:D

Mel, I feel the same by adding the "I can't come to the phone." Duh...that's why the answering machine is picking up. I'll have to call your phone sometime to find out...

DewKnight said...

My current message says "This is Russ. Please leave a message"

For about three months my message just said "Go"

redgirl said...

Leaving the caller to instantly freeze. O_o Go? uuuuh where? Oh! Message! Right! BEEEEEP

DewKnight said...

Indeed. It was my favorite because I got what they were thinking without all the extra stuff. When people are presented with that situation they're usually confused and startled. They leave really short messages that just get to the point.

Unfortunately, it's not very "professional" to give your phone number to clients when that's your voicemail. Hence the current voicemail.

redgirl said...

I really want to call you right now lol