Sunday, January 25, 2009

Shame on Tom!

There are some situations and conversations that no matter how hard you may look for them, you will never find them. You can scout every back alley, high-brow reception, or your local garden club meeting, and you won't find those little gems that just pop up out of nowhere.

That is why, when you come across them (or *they* come across *you*) one must take full advantage of them.

While waiting for my brand-i new bike to have its final go-over by the bike shop, Jenna and I went over to Ben and Jerry's for a cool treat to reward the trials and tribulations of purchasing decisions. What location could be more harmless?

We took our reasonable-sized cones out to the patio and seated our self a good distance from the nearest patrons. They appeared to be a man conducting some sort of interview with a slouching khaki-wearing college boy.

All appeared harmless.

We were lost in our cones, and at some point, I realized that our man, Lets call him Jack, was on the phone. And he was raising his voice rather alarmingly. I shall attempt to re-create some of the delectable conversation:

"Tom, I'm asking you as a friend to do something, call the FBI."
"I'm a Citizen of Davis. They have taken me hostage, harassing me--DON'T interrupt me Tom! I didn't interrupt you, you should have the decency to not--Stop interrupting me Tom!"
"I have official court documents proving...Listen to me Tom, I have official documents!"
"I am a good citizen, I know my rights. They wanted to make me citizen of the year. I've walk to Woodland, Sacramento, put the bike paths in Davis. How many citizens do you know that a judge granted a restraining order against the police for?"
"Well the sheriff is in on it too! Its all a conspiracy against me!" (and yes, he actually said that)
"Shame Tom, shame on you. I'm asking you as a friend. As a friend who is a lawyer."
"I'm not harassing you! I called you at home and and work and on your cell because you're my friend. I want to to call the FBI and tell them to stop--no, listen to me Tom! Call the FBI, do whatever it takes!"
"Shame on you Tom, shame on you. Well of course I won't call you again, you should be ashamed. I called you as a friend..."

Now repeat this entire conversation about 5 times.

Matters weren't helped by Jenna murmuring "Shame on you Tom" under her breath every time Jack got himself worked up again. My back was to him, so I could actually laugh (silently) while poor Jenna had to keep a reasonably straight face, especially as I was murmuring such phrases as "official court documents" and "I am asking you as a friend"

We *did* have a debate over whether he was having a fake phone conversation just to astound people, b/c the conspiracy theory was coming over rather strong.

Just when we thought it couldn't get any better...he hung up and made another phone call.

"Hi. Who am I speaking to? Well Bobby, are either of your parents home? Ok, well my name is Jack Sherman from the Sherman Company. If you could tell them I called about their water softener. Salt based water softeners are a thing of the past. Magnetic softeners are the way to go. I'd love the chance to tell them more."

...and then he made another one.

The man was a bloody telemarketer!!

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