Thursday, October 7, 2010

Redgirl's Guide to Healthy Eating

Tired of munching on Twinkies and ice cream as your main fare? Want something that doesn't give you that "I fell off the wagon" feel in the morning?

You've come to the right place! Eating right is easy; just follow a few simple mostly color-based rules and you'll be dining high in no time.

If it's green, it's healthy for you

Just like it sounds! If you're colorblind, and can't tell green from blue, ask your neighbor. If it's growing, it's usually green. Foods and food-like substances in this group include:

artichoke hearts
cucumber-vodka cocktails*
anything with green food coloring in it.

*I know! I was surprised too, but it was green, so what can you do?

If it's white, it has no calories

This one may come as a shock, but if you come from the (proper) school of thought that the colors are where all the calories live, this makes perfect sense. Luckily, there are a LOT of white or nearly colorless foods out there:

string cheese (mozzarella)
boiled eggs (the yellow yolk is on the inside, so it doesn't count)
Crisco (the regular stuff, not the butter flavored)
extra white-white vanilla frosting

If it's red, it's awesome and therefore healthy for you as WELL as having no calories

Red, being the best color in the world is available for consumption in any food. Examples include:

Rare steak
shrimp (close enough, anyway)
red velvet cake

A few other rules of thumb are:

Blue is kind of unnatural, so approach with caution. Orange has some red in it, so it's all right on occasion. And stay away from tequila. It's not your friend.

***consult your doctor before making any drastic diet changes. The Redgirl Eating Plan may not be right for you. Don't swallow sharp things like caltrops. No refunds. Check for a working sewage system before buying a house.


Wendi said...

You totally need your own show on the Food network now that you're a nutritional expert. I'm going to follow it to the letter, baby.

lifeshighway said...

Tequila can be your friend when mixed in a Margarita and you don't use the cheap stuff. And if you go with the tradition lime, it is also very healthy for you.

Good sewage is always important.

Carolyn said...

cucumber vodka cocktail sounds NASTY! Almost as bad as garlic ice cream.
You left out brown. As in chocolate, well-done steak, roasted garlic, refries and pepsi.

redgirl said...

the cucumber cocktail was actually pretty add a smidge of mint to it as well :P
and yes. there is the brown catagory. but with the state of my humor while writing that post, I thought it safer for everyone if I didn't go there...