Meet Markus. Markus is an older gentleman, tall and gray and going a little paunchy around the midsection. Markus is married to a lovely woman that he asked to marry him about 2 weeks after meeting her. Her parents made them wait, but they succeeded and now have 9 beautiful children to show for it. Markus also hasn't had a credit card for 17 years and proud of it! (good for Markus)
Unfortunately, Markus has 2 little problems that prevent him from being every one's favorite granddaddy. His head, looking rather misshapen because both ears are off looking for their best buddy, the hearing aide and a brain with the lack of any awareness of subtle and even downright ostentatious social cues.
Ooooookay. So establishing these lovely details, we can get on with the results. The above information, I received during the check in process only. And, because of his lack of hearing aides, I had to speak everything VERY. LOUDLY. which is really annoying and I hate doing.
Later, I found out that his (old) truck thing has an adaptor in it that allows him to plug in his computer. Because he hates laptops. Huh?? Now I'm envisioning a complete desktop mounted in the back with a little rolling desk chair squeezed in next to a filing cabinet. Hmm....that would be so cool! And then you could have a little desk lamp, and a miniature ceiling fan that......
Anyway, back to actual pertinent details.
Background blurb: I have figured out how to make the front desk phones ring with a "phantom call". We have 3 phones, so all that is required is to pick up one phone (discretely), hit the zero, and hang up. All the phones ring with a high pitched annoying sound. This is a good move to make when chatting with someone who won't go away.
So. He and the lovely Mrs. Markus were busy coming in, so I got on that phone like a diseased, starving stray on a frightened toddler.
It didn't matter.
He ignored the fact that I was on the phone and attempted to engage me in conversation. His definition of conversation? Listen to him drone about his past while acting highly intrigued by what I was hearing. Then I must ask questions to show I am interested, all in a near shout. This is hard to do, even when taking a fake call. My phantom caller required a lot of interaction from me, bless his/her fake heart, but that still didn't stop him. My coworker even moved over closer to me in an attempt to transfer attention to someone who wasn't obviously (obviously) on the phone. This didn't work either, though I thanked her for her willingness to throw herself herself under the runaway TMI train. (Our train will be making some unscheduled stops, ladies and gentlemen. Next up is My Sex Life in about 5 minutes followed by short stop at My Favorite Foods and Why. Just a short stop folks, so no smoke breaks please. Back on schedule then with Address, Phone, and Credit Ca--nope, sorry another stop off in the hayseed sister towns of My College Days and I Don't Drink. Get comfy folks, the conductor likes this town, so we'll be here for awhile.)
When he left, and we were looking for a fly swatter to slaughter a fly, I realized I really wished I could smack him on the head with it. But what do you say afterwards? What possible explanation can you give for whacking a man on the head with a blue, gut encrusted fly swatter? This is what I came up with:
"I am SOO sorry sir, I mistook your head for a fly."
Coworker and self promptly break down in uncontrollable laughter for the next 5 minutes. Tears everywhere. Also everywhere were guests that had to be reassured we weren't laughing at THEM.
Ah well.....updates later this weekend, hopefully after he checks out on schedule tomorrow.
Also, I do MEAN to write on other subjects than work, but every time I make that decision, something happens that I have to write about (for sanity reasons). This was supposed to be a wide ranging blog with maybe about half of them labeled "In the Inn", but it's not turning out like that ;(