Thursday, August 12, 2010

Bus Drama

I really didn't think it would take this long to have some juicy bus stories to share with y'all. I suppose patience is a virtue (along with having over 4 hours of potential witnessing opportunities every day). It was bound to happen!
And so, brought to you by virtue of my combined monthly bus pass sponsored by the Redgirl household....
I give you two short productions.
We'll start with "Black Market on a Blue Bus," then progress onward to "Accidental Encounters of the Worst Kind"
Sit back and pull off those headphones for a little people watching (and listening!) expedition!
Black Market on a Blue Bus
Jim skulked in his blue fuzzy bus bench with the scooped out plastic seat. The places you have to go for shady business, he thought. But he was here. And already 20 minutes had passed without anyone approaching him. Jim checked to make sure the signal was in place: left shirt tail untucked with a small red dot sticker on it. It was also possible that with the bus so close to empty, it would look strange if anyone sat next to him. (y'all know how that works...I'll have to do a post on the unwritten rules of bus riding later...)
There was a stop ahead that looked pretty full. Maybe things would look up.
He glanced over as the students and commuters filed on. One woman flashing her single day bus pass caught his eye, and he glanced down to his shirt tail. Her eyes followed his down to the signal, and she gave a small smile sat down next to him. She set her pass on her knee, fully visible to Jim. It was in good condition with a slight crease on the upper right hand corner.
She kept her voice low, "Interested?"
Jim opened his mouth, but unfortunately forgot to use his inside voice. Or he would have forgotten if he had had an inside voice to use at all. "How much?" He asked at a level approximating a low yell.
"I paid six, but I'll give it to you for three." she said. "Don't have no use for it now. I'd still have time to buy 3 bottles of wine at the 99 Cent Store."
"Three dollars it is!" Jim near shouted and the exchange was completed. The woman had traded her creased pass for 3 slightly damp and crumpled, but still spend-able tokens of US currency.
Almost immediately, the bus slammed to a halt at the bus stop on Broadway and Riverside.
"Ma'am, your stop!" the portly bus driver with a mustache not appropriate for her gender.
"No it's not..." the woman said.
The bus driver sighed. "You used a day pass as your fare. You no longer retain that pass. Therefore, you are no longer entitled to be riding the bus." She decided to give a little advice to prevent future faux pas' that she would have to get involved in. "If you had just waited to sell it until your stop, you would have been better off. As it is, there could be an inspector aboard this bus right now. I couldn't help but hear the little transaction right under my nose."
The woman gave Jim a dirty look and made him trade back.
Jim was hurt; damn that woman and her infernal timing!
Accidental Encounters of the Worst Kind
Redgirl was riding her bus, rockin' out to a little nostalgic Creed when she heard raised voices from behind her shortly after a stop. It sounded interesting, so she figured the music could wait. Casually, she reached up and popped her right ear bud out to let in the unsavory sounds of the city and the delectable sounds of an argument she was not involved with in.
After listening for a few expletive-filled minutes, she pieced together a bit of back story.
A young man had been riding the bus. A young woman, with rather dubious looking tattoos got on the bus and made her way to the back. Upon recognizing the young man, she sat next to him, hemming him in the corner, to have it out.
To have what out?
The truth. And her feelings. With a few printable words sprinkled in between.
We'll call them Molly and Charles.
Molly: You! I fed you! I let you sleep in my f***ing house! I treated you like a G**d***ed brother! And you f***ing STOLE from me??!! You go into my f***ing wallet and you f***ing STEAL a hundred dollars??!!
Charles: I--
Molly: No! F*** you! You f***ing listen to ME! I (repeat previous) and you run out with my f***ing money! You better hope that Trevor still lets you come 'round, 'cause if he don't, you're going to be the loneliest f***er around. I hope you're lonely! I hope you're the loneliest g**d*** motherf***er ever you piece of s***.
Charles: Look, I'm sorry...I've got forty dollars right here--
Molly: I don't want your f***ing money you piece of s***! I don't want anything until you walk up to my door with a hundred dollars in your hands and you give it ALL back. I (repeat line one...again)
(sound of a slap)
Charles: I'm trying to give you the money...take the forty dollars--
Molly: Keep your f***in' money away from me. F*** you!
This continued for some time. Redgirl, previously having hoped that she would learn NEW words, morosely discovered that some people, when they get hold of one or two words in the base vernacular, don't seek to expand their vocabulary arsenals. What a sad fact, she pondered.
It was all I could do not to write Molly's "you're"s as "your"s. Because, you see, that's how she probably thought them in her mind :P
Ah, mass transportation stories! How I do love thee....and thee and thee...
I know you've all got them too! Comment with your worst (or weirdest) encounter for general (and specific) amusement! (mine)


lifeshighway said...

I will enjoy the new Snippets - The Bus Years

Anonymous said...

And which ones of the DMV people were these......