Thursday, August 5, 2010

Under New Management

I love this sign...
 
So many implications!
 
When you see this, the subtext screams:
 
Under NEW management. Not that there was anything wrong with the old management...well...yes there was. Because you see, the fact that there is now NEW management will make all the difference. Like....people--such as yourselves--might actually try visiting again.
 
Like you, Mrs. Cole. We truly regret that the last manager, Mr Swinksy, made the "loser" sign at you because he thought you were blind and couldn't see what he was doing. You do have to admit, though, those big black wrap-arounds are a little extreme for the average sun-sensitive elderly woman. I suppose the universal gesture for craziness when you tried to use a coupon didn't help. But yeah, we're really sorry about that.
 
Mr. Frost, we here at the "Happy Shack" want to extend an apology--from all of us--about your last visit. Ouda (our chef) sometimes mixes up cuisines from here and where he moved from. He had a late night and lost his bearings a bit. In other countries, locusts are considered quite the delicacy, and cooking them can be tricky. Maybe it was too rare? Oh...you hadn't ordered locust. Hmm. Well, we CAN tell you that Ouda doesn't work here anymore. Yup. We've replaced him with his twin brother Oudal. Luckily, Oudal knows the menu very well, as well as fitting his brother's chef's gear. (savings that we pass on to you, the customer!)
 
We understand that during those renovations we had (you know, the ones where we didn't really do anything except paint a few walls to give it the feeling of newness) there were a few issues. As a guest, you have the right to expect that the bathrooms will work, that the doors and locks are fully functioning. Under the old management, we had a few problems, namely patrons being locked in the bathrooms overnight. We know that paint fumes can be strong, and, well, coupled with that medical condition....And it wasn't that Management ignored your screams! Oh no! Our bathroom doors are very solid, we're proud to say. In fact, that very bathroom doubles as a bomb shelter, purely for the safety of patrons such as yourself in case of that contingency!
 
However.
 
We do acknowledge that Mr. Swinsky's discovery of you after you dug through the drywall and were found collapsed in the lobby scrabbling at the front door for escape and subsequent  words of "get out you filthy bum!"  and assistance with his foot to help you out the door was an overreaction.
 
We're only telling you this so you know how much BETTER we're going to be!
 
We're not just better...we're AWESOME now! Our staff is so friendly, our NEW management so competent that a permanent metaphysical RAINBOW spans our roof! Our food tastes of heaven! Our drinks, ambrosia! Renovated interior! Better quality cutlery! Improved atmosphere!
 
So yeah. You should totally stop by.....

3 comments:

Carolyn said...

Good to see you back!!!

Jenna Lynn said...

Please tell me this isn't real!!!

lifeshighway said...

You're Back!

and on Blog Catalog...

life is good.