Tuesday, August 10, 2010

Letter to Whomever Invented the English Language

Dear Sir or Ma'am,
I'd like to start by saying I appreciate the hard work you did in standardizing the written word. I know that it can't have been easy..with all those sound-alike words and look-alike words that sound differently. You even invented names for those contingencies! What I have to say to you may seem acerbic, but please understand that only now (being in school for court reporting) am I beginning to have an issue with some of your spelling choices.
I present (have) read and (to) read. There is a perfectly serviceable word out there spelled "reed" that is a noun. Think of it! There would be no confusion!
Or how you decided that having only one combination to make the "f" sound. I do admit that ph together make an aesthetically pleasing combination, but I can't help but feel that were were trying to achieve something dastardly. Was it your plan when little
Victor is trying to spell the word "knife" that the teacher says "look it up!" that he spends the next 3 hours combing the "n" section?
But those are not the biggest flaws.
As a court reporting student, I care not for the spellings. It is the sounds that concern me. If one (such as yourself) is to decide that "loose" should be spelled such, and "lose" so, it seems natural to follow this law to its conclusion. However, you failed to do this. You failed MISERABLY. (and yes, I just threw caps at you)
Why would you think, then, that "choose" and "chose" should be spelled the way you did? And these are not isolated examples. It might have been forgivable had that been the case, but no. We have "noose" and "nose" as well.
Even more so do you lose points on the "auw" words. "Caught" and "naught," but then "thought," "bought," and "cough." Really, what were you smoking?
There are a lot of other things as well, but to go into them now would be nit picking.
I just hope that next time, you take more care.
Thank you,
Note to readers: What annoys YOU most about the English language? Also, I am now mostly posting from a server that blocks blogger (grrr) so if you've noticed a lack of commenting on my part, that's why.

1 comment:

lifeshighway said...

I congratulate you for making a career out of being able to spell. I am pretty sure I would starve.