Monday, August 9, 2010

In Which I Observe My Commute

Living north of Marysville and schooling in Sacto means I have a commute of roughly 2 hours each way on the bus. After a while, I have begun to notice:
Number of auto related businesses: 35
Number just selling parts: 14
Number just selling tires: 17
Number selling Firestone tires (snicker): 1
Number of random murals: 8
Number that might possibly actually be classy graffiti: 1
Graveyards/Cemeteries: 5
Tombstone (ahem) "Monument" outlets: 1
Number of Monument outlets located across the street from prospective customers: 1
Chase banks: 6
Number of business that I honestly thought were single-location stores in my last town of residence and apparently are not: 7
Liquor stores: 10
Adult book stores: 4
Percentage of houses with fences: 81%
Percentage of those (with fences) that *must* be protecting diamond mines because they could withstand a tank while the house inside collapses from the mere ground tremors from its approach: 97.3
(Hey, if I lived on Broadway and Stockton, I'd not only have fence, but a moat filled with starving piranhas)
Number of restaurants with the word "dragon" in the title: 6
Number of restaurants that probably have "dragon" in the title but I can't read them because of the language: 17
Number of DMV employees that ride my morning bus: 6
Number of said employees that asked me (on observance of smashing demeanor?...Briefcase?) if I worked for DMV as well: 2
Number of SMUD billboards featuring a girl that looks like she doesn't have a financial care the world (let alone over 15 years old) giving us financial advice: 3
Average sizes (too big) of the males' clothing: +3
Average sizes (too small) of the females' clothing: -2
3-2=+1 <--- Average ill-fitting-ness of clothing
Number of women this week I have mistaken for men longer than 15 minutes: 5
Number of suspected meth users spotted today: 1
Color of her lipstick: indescribable
Points of difference on the aroma scale between the Regional Transit bus and the commuter bus: 7.5
Time spent on said buses in relation to aroma score received: None Proportional
Overall conclusion of the bus situation if this persists: Not Good
Number of hair pins lost sometime today: 10
Number of them that are probably still in my hair but I just can't find them: 5
Number of people that I spied on in their cars while looking down from my bus so they couldn't see me: A Lot
Number of questionable activities seen: 1
Number of cars I looked in after I saw that which I wish I had not seen: 0
Cups of coffee consumed today: Too Many
Hours of sleep attained: Not Enough
For those of you who haven't picked it up, I have quit my job at the Happy Hotel so that I can go to school full-time as a court reporting student. This is not to say there won't be hotel stories...I have notes that have yet to be written up. The observations flavored with snark are all the same, only the venue has changed.


lifeshighway said...

Court Reporting student?

What is that and are you going to be paid for observing and commenting?

Laughing at your smell scale. Need more information on questionable activities.

Ashley said...

Court reporting school will give you just as many opportunities to people-watch and comment! I'm going into my third year as a CR student, and it's not gotten any les entertaining. Good luck!

Carolyn said...

This is too good not to go back and look it over when I have more time! (har har)